| Dog Trainers Rule!
You've probably heard the expression "Be careful what you wish for".
Now I don't want to give the impression that we weren't absolutely
overjoyed and besotted with Charlie (yes, even Jerry). But parenthood
at fifty-something was a bit of a shock. We were used to our compliant,
angelic, 14-year-old, I-can't-do-enough-for-you, Lady. Then we got this
adorable 8 pound boy puppy with the sweetest face on the planet. How
hard could this be? But we didn't quite "get" how chewy, mischievous
and determined he would be. We got him dozens of chew toys, but he
found vastly preferable chew-choices: furniture, clothing, rugs, paper
products, and body parts.
We knew our limitations and jumped enthusiastically into dog training
-- multiple times. The Tender Tutor told us that Charlie was "admirably
spirited but too adolescent to absorb much discipline"; Auntie Sallie
said he had "wonderful social skills, but was not a real learner" (not
college material?); but finally, we found Auntie Tracie, and she
assured us he was coachable! The worst thing Lady ever did was chew on
the occasional sock. In Charlie's first six months, he ripped off the
kitchen wallpaper, ate my prize petunias, chewed up 3 brooms, 6 bamboo
placemats, 2 wicker waste baskets, 3 dried flower arrangements, my
favorite shoe, all the plastic fruit on the low branches of our
Christmas tree, and (the worst) my father's post-cataract-surgery eye
drops. So if Tracie thought he was coachable, exactly when would this
kick in?
Her first strategy was a month of "leadership training" during which we
were to establish that Jerry and I were the alpha dogs and Charlie was
zeta dog (or whatever came last in the Greek alphabet). Tracie
explained that his real mother would teach him with body language and I
was to stop screeching NO and learn to emulate the mother dog. All the
Queen's English would not get through to him as effectively as the
well-timed body slam.
My opening assignment was to tie him to my belt, force him to be by my
side all day, stay behind me going up stairs, through doors, and on
walks. This sounds good on paper, but have you recently tried to outmaneuver a six month old puppy? Catapulting myself ahead of him was a complex tri-faceted move, which involved yanking him backwards, nudging him to the side, while flinging myself forward. Definitely an athletic move entailing more coordination than I possessed, but a challenge to be mastered and I was at least as determined as he.
He could now reach the kitchen counter and had developed the very bad
habit of swiping food and licking butter. I was told to lurk in the
kitchen and wait for the chance to bonk him off the counter. The
premier move for this was the lateral hip thrust, which was also
highly effective for stair maneuvers should he have the temerity to try
to pass me. We were making progress.
Coupled with leadership training, Tracie incorporated my favorite
advice from the One Minute Manager — we were to catch him doing
something right. Of course sometimes this entailed a rather lengthy
wait. If he lay down quietly anywhere near the kitchen, I was to give
him lavish praise and a treat. This would eventually convince him that
it is better to lie patiently than to swipe food, especially since
approaching the counter would now earn him one of my legendary hip
bonks. It did not take him long to master the treat-wait.
By his first birthday, Charlie was approaching civility. He would lie
patiently while I cooked and even while we had dinner. Although in the
spirit of full disclosure, I must add that he started to moan (quite
loudly — maybe you would call it a howl?) if he had to wait too long
for a tidbit. He also gained a bit too much weight. Tracie had
explained that we needed to give him treats only occasionally, and vary
these with praise. But we did not excel at praise-based dog discipline,
and Charlie is definitely a man motivated by his paycheck. He also has an excellent nose, and if we are foodless, it seems to affect his hearing.
On March 6, the community where we live in Palm
Desert is having its second biennial dog show. Charlie's
trick? The treat-wait! It's his only trick, but knowing how much he
loves food it is quite an accomplishment. We have to time the wait so
that it is long enough to impress the judges, but not so long that he
will start to moan. They might think he was howling. On the other hand,
we could always claim that he is singing for his supper.
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